Two terrorists having discussion in a bar.

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?

Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and Sunny Leone...
Waiter :- Why Sunny Leone?
Second terrorist,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people".😆😆

-----Orchid-a----

Joke of the year...

OLX owner has made suicide attempt
bcz

people have put their
2015 CALENDER for
sale on OLX site...

----Orchid-a----

A Funny Case Of A Kiss And A Slap - must read it

A Project Manager, His team member, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Travelling In A Train And During The Course Of Time, Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...

The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark...

Suddenly, There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!
The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel...

The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There, Looking Perplexed...

The Manager Is Bending Over, Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...

The Old Woman Is Thinking :
These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...

The Young Girl Is Thinking :
The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped...

The Manager Is Thinking :
Damn It... My junior Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It   Was Me And Slapped Me...

Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...

.

.

Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking...

If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel, I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again...
The Idiot  Keeps Harassing Me In The Office...!!

----------Orchid-a--------

Some Ladies were Sitting in a Park.Every day I was observing them as they were Talking and Laughing Loudly.

One day I observed everybody was silent. There must be some Serious issue or Incident that Happened.

So I went to one Lady and asked, Why everybody is Silent Today?

The Lady replied, All Are Present Today.

It took me a whole minute to understand this.

---------Orchid-a-------

Boy:I love u
Girl: sorry...I love some         other guy
Boy:plz ....plz
Girl: GO to hell..
Boy decides to end his life
He climbs a tall building .
He closes his eyes n decides to jump on a count of three

1

....
2
.
.
.
.
Suddenly his phone vibrates and he gets a notification
....
.
.
.
.
After reading it he decides to live his life
.
.
.
.
That notification was.

.

.
.
Your troops are ready for battle. ☆*

Long live clash of clan.

-------Orchid-a-----

In Chennai

Employee: Sir due to heavy rain I am unable to come...I'm living in a island now

Boss: in ur resume u have mentioned that u know swimming and ur hobby is adventure sports...

Come soon

----------Orchid----------------

Different types of call duration  summaries :
----------------,,,,,,,,
boy to boy !
  00:00:59
---------------------
boy to mom !!
00:00:50
----------------------
boy to dad !
    00:00:30
------------------------
boy to girl !
   01:23:59
-----------------------
girl to  girl !
   05:29:59
-----------------------
girl to boy !
miss call
-------------------------
husband to wife!
  00:00:03
-------------------------
wife to husband
call waiting

Dnt b selfish, share it..

--------------Orchid---------------

Boy..! I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 68).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching someone sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors – green, red, orange & blue – and my dad kept staring at her.
The teen would look over and find my dad staring, every time.
When she'd finally had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything Wild in your life?"
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so I wouldn't choke on His response which I knew would be a great one.
In classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid:
"Got drunk years back and slept with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my daughter!?"

----------Orchid--------------

A Girl chatting online with
unknown man ........

Man:"Can u giv me ur e-mail id ?"

Girl:Sure........here it's...

"ihaveBoyFrnd.ilovehim@getlost.com"

Unknown man:Thanks.....here's my
e-mail id....

.
.
.
"imUrDad.comehome@TodayDiwaliforyou.com"

Dnt laugh alone .....
Pass it ....

-------------Orchid--------------

A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a Lunch.

On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.

They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the australia , on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone.

Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with plenty of food, "Pfufffff" and he was also gone.

The Project Manager calmly said,
" I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"

Moral of the story is:

"Always allow the boss to speak first"

-----------Orchid-----------

Wife to Hubby:
Darling, in pictures of Shiva-Parvathi, Shiva has a Trishool. 

In Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishu has the Sudarshan chakra.

In Rama-Sita's pictures, Rama holds a bow & arrows.

But in Krishna-Radha's picture, Krishna is holding a flute.... Why is this?

Hubby:
It's simple honey. The three Gods you mentioned first are with their wives. That's why they have weapons.

Krishna is with his girlfriend...
So no weapons are required !

When it comes to dealing with the wives, even the Gods need some protection.....

----------------Orchid-------------

A Pakisitani boy got admission in an American school.
Teacher: What's your name?
Boy: Ahmad
Teacher: No, now you are in America your name is
Johny from today.
Boy went home...
Mom Asked: how was the day Ahmad?
Boy: I am an American now call me Johnny.
Mom & Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school, all bruised
.
.
.
.
.
Teacher: What happened Johnny?
Boy: Ma'am, just 4 hours after I became American,
I was attacked by two Pakistanis..!

-----------Orchid-----------

PAPPU Found Rs. 100/-
.
..
...
He Went To A 5 Star Hotel For
Dinner...
.
..
...
Bill Rs. 3000/-
.
..
...
He Was Unable To Pay!!!
.
Manager Handed Him To Police!!!
.
He Gave Rs. 100/ - To
Policeman&Free!!!
.
Its Called FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
Without MBA..!

---------Orchid-------------

What is "GENERATION GAP" ?
**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save 20 Rs.
Son spends 20 Rs. to save 20 Minutes.
True Fact: Father knows the value of money but son doesn't.
&
Son knows value of time
(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)

-----------Orchid-------------

Dangerous Friends:

I reached home late and dad asked me : "Where were you?"

Me: "Was in friend's house."

In front of me, dad called 10 of my friends ☎.

4 of them said: "Yes uncle, he was here".

2 said: "he just left, uncle".

3 of them said: "He is here only Uncle, studying. Shall I give him the phone?"

1 of them went an extra mile to say(in my voice) "Yes dad, tell me what happened? "!!!

Friends forever...

-------Orchid--------

Super insults

Smart answer by a female...

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

Lady
'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'

A letter from a teacher to a parent:

Dear Parent, 
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him......

..................................

Mother to Son: 
Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don't know 
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also 
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also

..........................................

A cute excuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student-one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..

Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand?? 
Salesman: Rs.18,000/- 
Girl: OMG
Girl: and iphone?? . . 
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG
Girl: 
Salesman:

Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday 
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!! 

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.

Wife: did u drink
Husband : no

Wife:  Idiot then y u r typing on suitcase

Dont laugh alone. Pass it on to ur buddies...

--------------Orchid---------------

" To Be 26 Again! "

A man in his late 40s was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be 26 again', she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

On her birthday morning, he rose early, made her a nice big cup of coffee & then took her to Adventure World theme park on a bike.

What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything....

5 hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling & her stomach felt upside
down.

He then took her to the most exotic restaurant where they ate and danced like never before.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn,
a soda, & her favorite chocolate. What a fabulous
adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband & collapsed into d sofa exhausted.

He looked at his wife with a big smile & lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being 26 again?"

Her eyes slowly opened & her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my waist size, u idiot !"

Moral : No matter how attentively u listen to a woman, u are still gonna get it wrong

-----------orchid-----------

Narendra modi & Obama were talking in a coffee  bar.

A guy came in n asked them wats d discussion about???

Modi: v r planning to kill 14 crore pakistanis & ☺sunny leone!!

Guy: why Sunny Leone??

Suddenly Modi tells Obama: See I told u nobody would care about 14 crore pakistanis!!!!!!!

---------Orchid----------

When you feel the whole world is standing against you, turn around and take a selfi. You will find the whole world behind you.

--------------Orchid-----------

Teacher - Can you please tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?”

Student :

“Smo-king & Drin-king ” !!!

Teacher Resigned !

Teacher: Who was Akbar ?
Boy: Akbar was Gay. 

Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that?
‎
Boy:- We have heard Laila - Majnu, Romeo-Juliet
But Only
Akbar - Birbal !
Teacher died

‎
This 1 is a killer 1 .....

Teacher : students.. On britannia tiger biscuit cover,there is a green dot. Wat does that mean?

Student : tiger is online.. .

For more stuff check out

-------Orchid-------------

Ultimate Hit!!

HUSBAND calls from Delhi to his WIFE in Chandigarh

SERVANT picked the phone.

HUSBAND: Give the phone to my wife

SERVANT: But she is with her husband in the room

HUSBAND: But I'm her husband

SERVANT: What should I do now ??

HUSBAND: Kill both of them  .. I'll give 50 lakh , Go do it now

After killing..
SERVANT: what should i do with d bodies ??

HUSBAND: put them in d swimming pool and run away ...

SERVANT: But there is no swimming pool in our house !!!

HUSBAND: Is this 45678922 ??

SERVANT: No this is 45688922  !!!

HUSBAND: Oh Sorry, Wrong Number 

-----------Orchid--------------

Grandfather: There was once a time when I used to go with 2 Rupees in my pocket and I would come home with all groceries, bread, butter, milk, biscuits, newspaper etc...
Grandson: it's not possible to do so these days Grandpa... They've put CCTVs everywhere

---------------Orchid--------------

GIRL: yako Loffer! Hag nodta
idiya? Ninage yaru akka-tangiru
ilva?
BOY: irodakke nodtirodu
GIRL: yake?
BOY: nan tangige attige bekante
adke!

----------------Orchid--------------
A Girl ran away from home with her Boy friend.
whole family was Depresed when Suddenly She came back after 3 Days.

Dad: just get out!!!.  Don't say anything

Mom: already you killed us. Now why you came here.

Brother: why are you irritating us.  Just get out

Everyone just melted listening to her reply.

Girl:   " i want Nokia charger ( sann pin ).."

Moral: Nokia will give three days battery backup !;-)

--------------Orchid----------------

Avoid meeting ur girl friend  during monsoon
.
.
.
.
.
.
Other wise
.
.
.
She will become
.
.
.
.
Mom soon

--------------Orchid--------------

Lol
This is epic....

Laalu Yadav has heart attack, dies, goes to hell, Devil waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do." says Devil. "Ur on my list, but I have no room for you. As u definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."

"I got 3 folks here who weren't as bad as u. I will let 1 of them go, u hav to take their place. I let u decide who leaves!"

Laalu agrees.

Devil opened 1st room.

In it was Sonia  & large pool of hot water. She kept diving in & climbing out, over & over. Such was her fate in hell.

"No!' said Laalu. 'I'm not a good swimmer!"

Devil led him to next room. In it was Mulayam Singh with a sledgehammer & room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time.

"No! I got problem wth my shoulder. I will be in constant agony if I had to break rocks all day."

Devil opened 3rd door. Laalu saw Sharad Pawar lying on a king size bed and Over him was Sunny Leone kissing him and doing what she is best at .

Laalu looked in disbelief for a while & says, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled & said, "OK, Sunny, you are free to Go!!"

------------Orchid----------------

Two Clever Nuns - This is Brilliant

There were two nuns.

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to violate us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM:It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.

SL:The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical!

Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

S : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM:Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty…………………

Say two Hail Marys!

and be logical and forward this email to your friends!

And the Moral of the Story is:
LOGIC BEATS MATH ANYTIME.
And Math cannot survive without Logic.

--------------Orchid---------------

Girl : Papa 1 important Vishya mathadvekithu
Father : Helu Magle
Girl: Nan obba Hudgana  ♥love madtha edhini Avnu America alli edhane
Father : Howdaaa Avnu ninge yenge sigdha
Girl: WEBSITE alli beti aythu
FACEBOOK alli friendship aythu
SKYPE endha Avnu nange Propose maddha
WHATSAPP alli 2 months endha Love madtha edhiri.............

Father : Ohh!! Really..... den u do like this

TWITTER alli MADHUVE madko
MAKE MY TRIP endha HONEYMOON mugsko
FLIPKART endha MAKLUNA order madko
GOOGLE endha makluke HESARU etko

And finally Avnu esta agilla andhre ....
OLX alli Maaribidu............!!!!!!!

Dont laugh alone , pass it on........

-----------Orchid-----------

A man in USA sees a tiger attacking a
girl!
.. He fights the tiger, it dies!

Newspapers report "LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM TIGER " . .

Man says
"I'm not American"
.
Report changed "Foreign Hero Saves girl from tiger" . .

Man says: . "Actually I'm Pakistani ."

Breaking News: .  "Terrorist killed Innocent tiger which was playing with a Girl.."
.